I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently. I think because it’s getting closer to that time of year and I always end up reflecting and thinking about how far I’ve come.
For any one that has ever lost anyone, it feel like you won’t actually survive. The pain can genuinely be all consuming. How will you survive, your world simply can’t revolve. But, in time it does. Numbness is replaced by pain, which is replaced eventually, by a sense of calm, hope and warmth.
It got me thinking about how, not only do you absorb and deal with what has happened but you find strength and happiness from it… in some strange way.
In the case of losing a relative, especially a parent, one of the biggest comforts you will take is that you are that person.
You are their legacy, their blood. You have their eyes, their hair, their character. It really does bring great comfort to me to think that I’m 50% my dad. Whether he died when I was 4, 14 or 40, I’d still be his legacy, to pass on and keep living.
And, it does force you to grow. Me and Mum bought our Christmas tree yesterday. Wow, what a challenge! The funny thing is, I remember vividly a few years ago, doing the same thing. It seemed like a ridiculous task. Why on earth were two women trying to lug a tree to a car and bother trying in vain to ram it in the boot of a car? (A car which was bigger than the one we have now might I add!!) I genuinely felt despair, we can’t do this. I was a child, wondering why some one else wasn’t around to clean up this mess for me. Fast forward to 2012, we picked our tree, paid the man and had the tree home, up and decorated in half an hour. It’s amazing to see how we grow. I don’t feel angry at having to do something myself, I don’t expect anyone to do it for me now.
Think about something you thought was terrifying or impossible and see if 2012 bought it to you